The Complaint Desk
It’s been a while since I’ve offered up my infinite wisdom to help people, so I’m opening up this complaint desk. Complain about anything in here, and I’ll either refer you to the correct department, offer helpful solutions for your problem, or inform you of creative ways to get over it and go away.
My window is open to receive your complaints.
ThatOneGuy 16:35 on 07.19.2010 Permalink
I wish to make a complaint about the complaint desk.
Shadowflare 08:12 on 07.20.2010 Permalink
I am stranded in Downtown Minneapolis after work. Fix it.
Peach 08:59 on 07.21.2010 Permalink
In the past 3 days, two different companies have tried to screw me out of a 900 dollar dress and tried to force me into a much more expensive apartment because of their incompetence. Which one should I bomb first?
Spider 10:32 on 07.21.2010 Permalink
People fail to respond to emails quickly enough. How do I attach time bombs?
Scribble 11:49 on 07.21.2010 Permalink
[quote="ThatOneGuy":1ly2uakg]I wish to make a complaint about the complaint desk.[/quote:1ly2uakg]
We’ve put a seat in your seat so you can wait while you wait to complain about complaints. Take a number and we’ll get back to you when we get back to you to tell you to jog off.
[quote="Peach":1ly2uakg]In the past 3 days, two different companies have tried to screw me out of a 900 dollar dress and tried to force me into a much more expensive apartment because of their incompetence. Which one should I bomb first?[/quote:1ly2uakg]
Do these companies have physical addresses and are their managers human beings? Any useful information you can give me can help us provide the best customer service experience we can to address your complaint.
[quote="Shadowflare":1ly2uakg]I am stranded in Downtown Minneapolis after work. Fix it.[/quote:1ly2uakg]
1. Call a cab.
2. Greet the Somalian driving the cab.
3. Tell the Somalian where you want to go, but don’t make the destination your home. Choose someplace arbitrary and secluded, where there are few if any witnesses, like a back alley or beneath a bridge.
4. When you arrive, pay the Somalian for the ride with exact change, but don’t let him see you count it. This will make the Somalian paranoid enough to attempt counting it himself.
5. As he counts the money, get out of the cab, go to the passenger’s side, and kick him the in face and push him out the driver’s side of the cab. This is considered a polite gesture in Somalia, so he won’t fight back and will thank you in his primitive dialect.
6. The keys should still be in the ignition. Disable the lowjack tracking system and drive off. He still has your money, which is enough for a cab ride so the Somalian can go home, and you now have a car and all of his cab fair for the day.
Everybody wins.
[quote="Spider":1ly2uakg]People fail to respond to emails quickly enough. How do I attach time bombs?[/quote:1ly2uakg]
First you will need a good scanner hooked up to your computer. I suggest the [url=http://www.amazon.com/Canon-CanoScan-Color-Image-Scanner/dp/B0002OG6JI:1ly2uakg]Canon CanoScan LiDE 500F Color Image Scanner[/url:1ly2uakg]. Order it from Amazon and install it per the enclosed instructions when it arrives. While you’re waiting for it to show, construct your timebombs. DON’T LET YOUR MOM FIND OUT THIS RUINS EVERYTHING. Once you’re all setup, cram each timebomb onto the scanner bed and choose the maximum color depth and resolution to scan the bomb onto your computer. Save each image as ‘ticktickboom.jpg’, and attach it to all of your replies to blow your slacker friends to rainbow land.
Mazenzo 12:44 on 07.21.2010 Permalink
Scribe, Scribe, Scribe. I totally expected that link you posted to be a rickroll. You must be getting old.
I wish to complain about the white background of this site distressing my cats. Also about Peruvians.
Spider 13:39 on 07.21.2010 Permalink
Gaaaah, way easier said than done.
Anyway, I want to complain about not being able to add an avatar. I went to the corresponding link in Controls and all I get is a page that says "Fatal error: Cannot redeclare display_forums() (previously declared in /home/czkx24r8/public_html/forum/includes/functions_display.php:22) in /home/czkx24r8/public_html/forum/includes/functions_display.php on line 538"
Shadowflare 14:02 on 07.21.2010 Permalink
Thanks for the heads up Spider. Try it again and let us know if it still doesn’t work for you.
Spider 15:33 on 07.21.2010 Permalink
<—– MAGIC!
Scribble 17:19 on 07.21.2010 Permalink
Motherfucking magical miracles up in this bitch.
Chocolate Jesus 18:28 on 07.21.2010 Permalink
[quote="Shadowflare":5lmuliq4]I am stranded in Downtown Minneapolis after work. Fix it.[/quote:5lmuliq4]Do some parkour.
spartan2 05:06 on 07.22.2010 Permalink
Fuckin’ magnets, how do they work? You know I was going to go to an ICP concert but I backed out last minute. I found out a couple days later that two guys outside that very concert got stabbed to death because they made fun of Miracles…
Chocolate Jesus 06:40 on 07.22.2010 Permalink
If you had gone, you would just be hurting yourself far more than you’d be hurting them.
Food for thought: Between the facepaint, stylised stage performances and exceptionally mediocre music, ICP has more in common with KISS than any other band I can think of. Also, after watching a 60 minutes interview with the band and reading a few articles, I’m convinced the fat one is in on the joke.
Scribble 07:51 on 07.22.2010 Permalink
[img:3anw4dlt]http://www.thewhisper.net/forum/gallery/image.php?album_id=1&image_id=738[/img:3anw4dlt]
Peach 12:34 on 07.22.2010 Permalink
Hmm… complaint: Sometimes when I look at threads in the creative area, or whatever it’s called, it won’t mark them as being read unless I actually click "Mark as being read". Could just be me, I dunno.
FD2 13:08 on 07.22.2010 Permalink
I can’t see the Archives or the Staff Forum, and I checked the permissions in the admin panel and can’t seem to figure it out.
Shadowflare 14:54 on 07.22.2010 Permalink
Try again, good sir. There were some screw ups with all of the upgrading and patches and whatnot going down. :p
FD2 15:09 on 07.22.2010 Permalink
Great, thanks. Looks nice.
In the archives, the old forums’ archives are all on top of the "regular" archives. Do you want to rename ‘The Aether’ as "Archives Archive" or something to that extent, and move it to the bottom while making it a category, so all it’s subforums don’t "clog" the Archives?
I am not rereading this post to make sure it makes sense, FYI.
Scribble 11:23 on 07.23.2010 Permalink
I would like to complain that people aren’t directing their complaints at me.
Also, the bbcode on the front page doesn’t work right.
Peach 13:15 on 07.23.2010 Permalink
Scribe, my complaint of the day is as follows: The county clerk’s office has inconvenient hours and location. What is the best way to rectify this without committing a federal crime?
FD2 14:25 on 07.23.2010 Permalink
The white background on the mostly black theme is a little much; perhaps a shade of grey?
Metethelame 14:27 on 07.23.2010 Permalink
yeah the white background is terrible (no offense). something needs to give.
Mazenzo 23:23 on 07.23.2010 Permalink
My name colour is not changing. HULK ANGRY. (P.S. coherent Hulk sucks)
EDIT: nm. Posting fixed it.
MediaChild 23:38 on 07.23.2010 Permalink
I can’t color the square under my name and title.
Chocolate Jesus 08:08 on 07.24.2010 Permalink
Shadow, you should set up Whisper IRC again. It’s always been easier than trying to track everyone down elsewhere.
FD2 09:25 on 07.24.2010 Permalink
This topic is now a hot topic.
Shadowflare 10:14 on 07.24.2010 Permalink
I suppose people like to complain.
[quote="MediaChild":3fxkwrmj]I can’t color the square under my name and title.[/quote:3fxkwrmj]
Actually, you can. By posting a lot. XD
MediaChild 11:23 on 07.24.2010 Permalink
[quote="Shadowflare":2si0rba9]I suppose people like to complain.
[quote="MediaChild":2si0rba9]I can’t color the square under my name and title.[/quote:2si0rba9]
Actually, you can. By posting a lot. XD[/quote:2si0rba9]
Oh…XD
Scribble 08:59 on 07.25.2010 Permalink
COMPLAIN TO ME!!!
Chocolate Jesus 09:33 on 07.25.2010 Permalink
Scribe, you’re too needy.
Spider 16:29 on 07.25.2010 Permalink
Meh. College textbooks are expensive.
Chocolate Jesus 08:31 on 07.26.2010 Permalink
Maybe it’s just my computers being prissy, but occasionally Whisper will straight up refuse to load. It usually won’t load properly for like 20 minutes. If I switch computers before then though, it loads fine on the other one. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.
Scribble 14:51 on 07.26.2010 Permalink
[quote="Chocolate Jesus":1kp0amoi]Scribe, you’re too needy.[/quote:1kp0amoi]
It’s not that I’m needy. It’s that you all owe me your alligience and undivided attention.
[quote:1kp0amoi]="Chocolate Jesus"]Maybe it’s just my computers being prissy, but occasionally Whisper will straight up refuse to load. It usually won’t load properly for like 20 minutes. If I switch computers before then though, it loads fine on the other one. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.[/quote:1kp0amoi]
1. Buy some Speed off the street, from your usual vendor.
2. Liquify it and spread it over a blank CD.
3. Put the CD into a microwave and set it to 30 seconds. There should be flames.
4. Insert the CD into your CD-ROM drive.
5. Go to My Computer and select ‘Autoplay’.
6. Apply remaining speed to your NIC card.
Your internet speeds should be greatly increased.
[quote="Spider":1kp0amoi]Meh. College textbooks are expensive.[/quote:1kp0amoi]
Wait outside of the college bookstore and club unsuspecting students coming out of the store carrying bags and take whatever books are for your classes. After doing this about 10 different times, you should have all of the books that you need for free, minus the cost of fuel driving the unconscious students to homeless shelters and dropping them off.
Spider 15:06 on 07.26.2010 Permalink
I work there every now and then so I’m aware of how great their security system is though. Not to mention, there’s this badass security girl that could kill anyone.
Oh well, I don’t think I’ve ever had to spend over $200 a semester though. I get a discount and I also buy stuff online.
New complaint: Summer is going by too quickly.
Metethelame 15:36 on 07.26.2010 Permalink
i used to buy books with this incredible feeling of optimism because, you know, this semester i’d actually read them.
never happened.
man i miss college
Peach 18:25 on 07.26.2010 Permalink
Yeah, the last few semesters of college, I all but stopped buying textbooks, because I knew I’d never read them. Man, now I miss college too.
Chocolate Jesus 19:39 on 07.26.2010 Permalink
[quote="Spider":3a7zj19t]New complaint: Summer is going by too quickly.[/quote:3a7zj19t]I’ve figured out this one. If you do something new and exciting every day, summer lasts exactly as long as when you were 5. You just need to keep pushing yourself to try new things and get out and explore. That’s how to make summers last forever.
Peach 21:04 on 07.26.2010 Permalink
[quote="Chocolate Jesus":2i9qbk5m][quote="Spider":2i9qbk5m]New complaint: Summer is going by too quickly.[/quote:2i9qbk5m]I’ve figured out this one. If you do something new and exciting every day, summer lasts exactly as long as when you were 5. You just need to keep pushing yourself to try new things and get out and explore. That’s how to make summers last forever.[/quote:2i9qbk5m]
I have a good solution too, in the same vein: plan the most exciting event of your life for the end of summer. It’ll make it last forever. Trust me.
Spider 21:31 on 07.26.2010 Permalink
Mmmm… my life is generally dull and I’ll be working intensely especially towards the end of August, but I certainly will try to make the most of the hot weather because it will be dearly missed around here soon enough.
Not that I hate the idea of school starting again as well.
spartan2 18:35 on 07.27.2010 Permalink
Man summer is too hot. I hate doing things in the heat, and summer is when people do shit outside. Breaks should be in the winter so I can paintball without having to take three showers a day.
Mazenzo 04:40 on 07.28.2010 Permalink
So when you get to my post count, the squares are grey?
Shadowflare 11:20 on 07.28.2010 Permalink
I put my leftover pizza in a box and microwaved it, but found out the box wasn’t microwavable. What should I do?
Peach 11:31 on 07.28.2010 Permalink
Wrap the box in foil and try again.
Chocolate Jesus 11:36 on 07.28.2010 Permalink
Eat the pizza cold, because ITS BETTER THAT WAY.
Spider 15:27 on 07.28.2010 Permalink
[url=http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090916185349AAX1pbI:1q32v7wm]Assuming it was a cardboard box…[/url:1q32v7wm]
Shadowflare 12:14 on 07.30.2010 Permalink
[quote="Spider":1yjd7bcs][url=http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090916185349AAX1pbI:1yjd7bcs]Assuming it was a cardboard box…[/url:1yjd7bcs][/quote:1yjd7bcs]
Oh, it was eatable. Just not microwavable. The cardboard was burnt and not tasty like it usually is.
Scribble 10:04 on 08.01.2010 Permalink
http://ph.answers.yahoo.com/question/in … 957AA1lIyC
Calvinball 08:51 on 08.10.2010 Permalink
My car doesn’t start.
Spider 15:41 on 08.18.2010 Permalink
I never get my mail before 4:30 pm these days.
Chocolate Jesus 23:49 on 08.19.2010 Permalink
The great bountiful harvest of summer is almost over. I have too many friends to see in too little time. What should I do, oh wise one?